Donald Trump is crazy like a fox …. suffering from rabies. On Tuesday night, in his first official State of the Union Address, he spent close to 90 minutes exulting platitudes about American greatness, American perseverance, and American speculation. Thankfully, I have obtained liner notes of the original draft, as the speech was originally written. These are actual margin notes, made by Trump, that he didn’t want anyone to see. So, just for you, the “Todd Flora’s America” reader, I present to you some of my favorite lines. You’ll see first the State of the Union (SOTU) version of what was said, and then Trump’s notes in the original draft, representing what Trump really wanted to say but was talked out of.
SOTU: “Less than 1 year has passed since I first stood at this podium, in this majestic chamber, to speak on behalf of the American People — and to address their concerns, their hopes, and their dreams. That night, our new Administration had already taken swift action. A new tide of optimism was already sweeping across our land.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “Less than a year ago, I presented my first speech to a joint session of congress. I was given high marks because I didn’t drool or turn it into one of my violent rallies. They didn’t even criticize me for using a teleprompter despite mocking teleprompters. In fact, they called me mature for using a teleprompter. Can you believe it? Yes, I know you can – because you’re loyal to me. … Nobody remembers what I said, because the bar has now been set so low that me simply being able to read off of a teleprompter is supposedly good enough for re-election… at least among MY supporters it is. A year ago, you were all terrified, and the tide of optimism that had begun under President Obama as the country came out of the greatest financial quagmire since the great Depression was quickly slipping away over my mere presence.”
SOTU: “Over the last year, we have made incredible progress and achieved extraordinary success.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “I can’t believe how much I’ve been able to get away with over this last year. Without a Republican House, Senate, and Supreme Court, I would probably have been found out long ago and be rotting in prison. Instead, we spent most of the spring and summer trying to kick millions of people off of health insurance. We put a climate denier in charge of the EPA, and a guy in charge of the Energy department that not only couldn’t even remember the name of the “Energy Department,” but also wears glasses so people will think he’s smart. Other than this, we really haven’t done much good. Even all of my business task forces self-disbanded because they knew I was full of shit for establishing them.”
SOTU: “If there is a mountain, we climb it. If there is a frontier, we cross it. If there is a challenge, we tame it. If there is an opportunity, we seize it.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “Speaking of opportunities, we’ve seized much of them in the form of seizing back land for private interests that had already been dedicated as national monuments. In fact, if you are the environment or a national park – generally the jokes on you, losers.”
SOTU: “Since the election, we have created 2.4 million new jobs, including 200,000 new jobs in manufacturing alone. After years of wage stagnation, we are finally seeing rising wages.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “I fully realize that I inherited a growing economy that was heating up enough under my predecessor to trigger two interest rate hikes within a year. So, I should probably give him some credit, especially since his presidency was the only one to actually rekindle manufacturing growth since their historic collapse under Bush. But whatever. And my fellow Americans, don’t believe anybody who tells you that the trend of states and localities raising minimum wages to $15 an hour over the next several years has anything to do with rising wages. It’s all about my tax cut! It hasn’t taken effect yet, but several corporations gave one-time bonuses to their employees, which was great PR. Great PR, folks. Believe me!”
SOTU: “And just as I promised the American people from this podium 11 months ago, we enacted the biggest tax cuts and reforms in American history. Our massive tax cuts provide tremendous relief for the middle class and small businesses.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “After we looked really awful and cruel trying to kick people off of their health insurance, we rushed through a tax reform bill that – and I’m not kidding folks, it really does this and they don’t even notice it yet – slashes taxes from the rich so drastically, that we had to raise taxes on the people who mostly voted for Hillary Clinton to pay for some of it. Not that it comes close. It will blow a huge hole in our already embarrassingly high national debt. And it really doesn’t do much for any middle class family, except for a few million who voted for me that already live in low-tax states.”
SOTU: “We are defending our Second Amendment, and have taken historic actions to protect religious liberty.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “We fully support the NRA’s false narrative that everyone is out to take away their guns, while doing nothing about gun safety… It only seems fair given their support, folks. Believe me. And with religious liberty, I can promise you, so long as you are a conservative Christian who supports my policies, we support your religious liberty.”
SOTU: “Tonight I call on Congress to empower every cabinet Secretary with the authority to reward good workers, and to remove Federal employees who undermine the public trust or who fail the American people.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “So many public employees are lazy Democrats who hate me. So tonight, I call on Congress to empower every cabinet secretary with the authority to reward good Republican, or white, government workers with bonuses that will come from money we save firing the lazy, unloyal Democrats. We can’t afford to have dissenters in government – everyone must agree with the President. Therefore, a purge of those employees who I can’t trust to do their jobs – and none of whom were smart enough to get private sector jobs – must take place immediately.”
SOTU: “We have ended the war on American Energy — and we have ended the war on clean coal. We are now an exporter of energy to the world.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “I love saying ‘clean coal.’ It rhymes or whatever. Very illiterary. And I know coal is dirty. But don’t you just love that scruffy guys who will eventually suffer major respiratory illnesses just love me? I mean, I can’t let these guys down. And only “smarties” that are educated like solar panels. I mean, solar panels, right? They’re black. Hellloooo.”
SOTU: “Because Americans are Dreamers too.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “I really want to tell the DACA Dreamers to fuck off. By saying something like “Because Americans are Dreamers too,” I think I do that very, very effectively. Like, stable genius effectively. Also, this phrase is coded language that lets my white supremacist and other racist supporters know that I don’t REALLY think DACA beneficiaries are truly American. It’s gonna work SO well. Believe me.”
SOTU: “Last month, I also took an action endorsed unanimously by the Senate just months before: I recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Shortly afterwards, dozens of countries voted in the United Nations General Assembly against America’s sovereign right to make this recognition. American taxpayers generously send those same countries billions of dollars in aid every year. That is why, tonight, I am asking the Congress to pass legislation to help ensure American foreign-assistance dollars always serve American interests, and only go to America’s friends.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “Here’s the thing. AIPAC and other hawkish American Jews SOOOO want someone to piss off the Muslim world and the Palestinians by declaring Jerusalem as the Capitol of Israel. I love hawkish American Jews. They’re never afraid to fight – right down to the last Israeli. It’s easy when you’re 7,000 miles away. But look – this move made my daughter happy. And her wispy, weakling of a husband, Jared. I love Jared. He’ll never be a real threat to me as a man. And eventually Ivanka will need someone strong. Also – can you believe any country that doesn’t agree with the United States? I mean, we give these people foreign aid. … I don’t really know what that means or entails, but I think you all know that TOTAL…LOYALTY is important to me. So only ask for my help if you agree with me – and America – 100%. We could be totally wrong. But that’s not the point. Loyalty, Ok?! Ok?!?!”
SOTU: “My Administration has also imposed tough sanctions on the communist and socialist dictatorships in Cuba and Venezuela. But no regime has oppressed its own citizens more totally or brutally than the cruel dictatorship in North Korea.”
ORIGINAL DRAFT: “This one’s my favorite. See – everyone knows Cuba is bad, and that dumb Obama tried to normalize relations with Cuba. Can you believe that? I mean – did you see how they treated Michael Corleone? Unbelievable. And Venezuela. Oh, my. I don’t really understand the dynamic there, but I do know they don’t like America very much. But the biggest thing here – can you guess? I don’t even mention RUSSIA in this whole section! See, if I make people hate Jim Kuhn Jo or whatever his name is enough, no one will EVER ask about Russia. Ha! People are so dumb. But, as you know, I love dumb, undereducated people… who strangely always love Russia.”
Friends, let’s hope my “contact” can feed us more margin notes from the President in speeches to come.
Thanks for transcribing this. I understand the notes were written in crayon, so it would have otherwise been very difficult for us to read.