People are always asking me (let’s just pretend), “Todd, how do I get into ‘Todd Flora’s America?’” or “Am I TFA Material?” Well, I never really DID prepare an application. It’s more of a feeling. For example – do we agree entirely on political, sports, and movies and television issues? If the answer is on 80% or better, chances are you’re IN!
“But Todd,” no one continued, “What would an actual application have looked like?” It’s a fair question. So just for fun, I have prepared THE Todd Flora’s America Application for Membership. You can simply read the questions for fun, but I would welcome anyone to answer as many questions as possible. Simply use the Comments section or email your answers to [email protected] . You will be notified on your score. You weren’t expecting work. But it’s “fun homework,” (with some actual toughies) so give it a whirl.
THE OFFICIAL APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN TODD FLORA’S AMERICA
Full Name (extra credit for fake middle names):
What is your favorite thing about America? (please support your answer):
BESIDES today’s Republican Party, racists, anti-choicers, anti-LGBTQ+ people, fake Christians, climate deniers (stop me if this sounds repetitive), The Trump family and the obvious (e.g. crime), what is your least favorite thing about America? (can be as short as a word, and extra credit for funny answers):
SPORTS (Note: If you skip this section, you are already down to 80% and have to answer correctly to all other questions. Most of these are layups – if you don’t understand this then please do not continue).
- Who is your favorite overall athlete? (dead or alive)
- Who is your favorite soccer star?
- What is your favorite soccer club? (there are only a few wrong answers. And extra credit if you name a certain club that is NOT technically professional):
- Extra credit. Your favorite: (no cute “sandwiches”)
- English Club:
- German Club:
- French Club:
- Italian Club:
- Who is your LEAST favorite, Massachusetts-based baseball team?
- Do you agree that the San Francisco Giants should be disbanded? If no, please defend your answer.
- Does Kenny Lofton belong in the Baseball Hall of Fame (no wrong answer. I just can’t personally decide)?
- If given the opportunity, would you plunk an Astro?
- If Patrick Mahomes quit tomorrow, would he still belong in the NFL Hall of Fame?
- Will the Jets ever get it right? Why or why not?
- Favorite team mascot?
- Is this mascot your alma mater (college or high school)?
- True or False: NASCAR runs on ethanol.
- Favorite Male Tennis Player, all time (only 2 wrong answers):
- Favorite Female Tennis Player, all time (only 1 wrong answer):
- What 2 Pacific Division NHL Clubs do you hate the most in all of Hockey, so much so that every one of their players should literally have to go door-to-door to apologize?
- Is Golf a sport? (defend your answer):
- What about bowling (please explain)?
- Who is the best sports commissioner right now? (explain yourself)
- True or False: The NCAA should be completely scrapped and rebuilt / reformed from the ground up? If false, defend your answer, and it better be good.
- BESIDES Moscow Mitch and Lindsey Graham, who are the 3 most vile Republicans in the Senate right now? (Extra credit if at least 2 of them match my answers):
- How was Trump mocking a physically challenged reporter not the end right then and there?
- Who do you think was the most effective President in History and why?:
- True or False: Both Teddy Roosevelt and John McCain’s biggest tragic flaw was that they were war mongers. (If you say false, defend your answer):
- Should Pluto be considered a planet? (This isn’t political. I just realized I won’t have a category for this question)
- Do you support a Green New Deal? If you say no, defend your answer. (extra negative points if you say “cost”):
- True or False: The Democratic congresses of the 1980s were the first to create huge deficits. (If you answer True, I would remind you, Republicans controlled the Senate for 6 of 8 Reagan years, so maybe don’t say True):
What was Barak Obama’s biggest blunder?
- That he actually thought Republicans would work with him
- Tapping Democratic Governors and Senators we needed in place to the cabinet? (e.g. Janet Napolitano led to Jan Brewer as Gov. of Arizona)
- Never really seeing Russian interference coming, and doing too little about it in time
- 1 and 3
- All of the above
- Can you summarize, without looking, what the Dredd Scott decision basically said and why it was insanely terrible? (Open Book: If you have to look, still answer but admit you had to look for just a tiny penalty)
- True or False: There really shouldn’t be billionaires. (If False, defend your answer)
- Do you agree African-Americans and First Americans should receive generous reparations of some kind?
- What is your favorite movie and why?
- What is your favorite “Oldie” and why? (Movies from the 1930s – ~1965)
What is Val Kilmer’s Best Role? (and NO, Top Gun is NOT an f’ing choice)
A) Chris Knight in Real Genius
B) Doc Holliday in Tombstone
C) Ray Lavoi in Thunderheart
D) Jim Morrison in The Doors
E) Madmartigan in Willow
F) A and B
G) B and D
H) All of the Above
- What makes Ed Harris so great? (He IS great. Tell me why YOU think so)
Which of the following actors should be enshrined in the “Can equally do comedy AND drama Hall of Fame?”
- Bryan Cranston
- Gary Cole
- Greg Kinnear
- All of the Above
- What makes Big Night so incredibly fantastic and rewatchable?
- Should Ilsa have gotten on the plane with Victor Laszlo?
- What do you think Rick and Captain Renault end up doing after the events of Casablanca? (Extra credit for fun but realistic answers)
- What West Wing star played Daniel Kaffee in the stage version of Aaron Sorkin’s hit play, “A Few Good Men?”
- True or False. Men and Women Can’t be Friends.
- What is your favorite Carey Grant movie and why? (Extra credit if you can find one where he didn’t slap a woman):
Please rank the Chrises (in terms of where they should rank at time of exam):
Please rank the following Marvel films: Black Panther, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers 1, Captain Marvel, Thor Ragnarok
- True or False: In sum total, the Star Wars saga was AWESOME, with terrific, iconic characters, interesting worlds, and a fantastic tale of good vs. evil (If False, you FAIL this exam. Do not pass go. Do not turn in the rest of your answers. You LOSE. Good day, Sir or Madame!)
- What is your favorite John Hughes film and why?
- Should Shawshank have bested Forrest Gump for Best Picture in 1994? Why or why not?
- What is the best sports movie and why? (and yes, for this Application, you can choose “kind of sports movies” that “weren’t REALLY about sports.”)
- True or False: Nancy Meyers wouldn’t know the middle class if they were living in her own house.
What is the best movie of the Barry Levinson Baltimore Trilogy?
- Liberty Heights
- They were all terrific
- What is your favorite episode or couple of episodes of The West Wing? (If you have never seen The West Wing, you FAIL this application. Do not pass Go. Collect NO everlasting gobstopper. Good day, sir or madame!! … I SAID GOOD DAY!! )
- What were the alma maters of CJ and Sam, respectively, on the West Wing?
- Was “Psych” a great mystery-comedy show, or the greatest mystery-comedy show?
- Were you a fan of the #TimeTeam?
- Why did we root for Dexter?
- Why do we also strangely root for Joe Goldberg on “You?”
- Ray Donovan’s complete shift from L.A. to NYC was:
- Terrible. The show kind of fell apart
- Wonderful. It never lost a step
- Do you love to BRAG that you’ve never seen Game of Thrones? If yes, you’re down to 80%!! It’s fine if you haven’t seen it. Just K.I.T.Y. and don’t be obnoxious.
- Speaking of GOT, how should it have ended? (Here’s your hint: https://bit.ly/3bm2Urx)
- What show have I shamefully admitted to never watching even though it features one of my favorite actors? (Hint: He’s one of the 3 that can do both comedy and drama)
- What happened to NBC on Thursday nights? I’m really asking – what did they get wrong? Where did the collapse start?
- True or False: I watch too much TV (If you are my mom, please skip this question). If you answer True, why are we friends?
Please rank the following Netflix Series: Bloodline, House of Cards, Dead to Me, Ozark, Mindhunter, Stranger Things
Please rank the following Amazon Series: Bosch, Fleabag, The Boys, Hunters, Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Sneaky Pete
- Extra Credit: Without looking it up, can you name what James Marsden, Olivia Munn, and Lee Pace have in common?
And that’s a wrap! I figure I’ve put you through the ringer pretty thoroughly. I would sincerely enjoy seeing some of your answers. So please cut and paste and go for it!!